I really hate lazy journalism…..

I mean the style of reporting, mainly in TV news, where the reporter just relies on cliches, stereotypes and whatever he or she can glean from a press handout instead of actually researching or reporting a story.

Classic example, an entertainment reporter will do a piece on the new series of Dr. Who and, inevitably they will say the biggest cliche of all: “Of course, despite the bigger effects budget, The Doctor can still escape his old enemies the Daleks…by running up the stairs. This is Connor McNob for London Tonight”

It’s now firmly established that Daleks can hover and fly…and that’s not a new concept, it was first done in a Sylvester McCoy episode from 1988. However the reporter will always say the “can’t go upstairs” line as if they invented it, that no one BUT NO ONE in the entire world had worked that one out over 40 years of Dr. Who being shown. “I’ve just reguritated a hoary old cliche, now watch me smile to camera smugly. Back to you in the Studio”.

Now we’ve got the biggest and laziest bit of entertainment journalism hitting our TV screens this week: Reporting on the Rolling Stones. No other topic trots out the same inanities again, and again, and again. Because on any news report on the Rolling Stones, you’re will WITHOUT FAIL hear the following:

“Another big tour for the ageing rockers…..”

Sorry…”ageing rockers”? Are the Rolling Stones the only rockers to undergo the ageing process? No one else in the music biz ages then? The passage of time can only be seen on the Rolling Stones unlike us non-ageing-we-laugh-in-the-face-of-temporal-physics newsreaders. Oi, anyone at home, McFly? ALL rockers age, in fact, EVERYONE ages not just the Rolling Stones. You may as well say “it’s a big test for the ageing toddlers in this kindergarten”.

“….the Rolling Stones, who have a combined age of 275”

This is an irrelevant statistic. The combined ages of all the chickens in my local supermarket is probably over 150 but that still doesn’t detract from their juicy and tasty flavour especially whith some lemon, sage and onion stuffing a few roast pota….sorry, got distracted there. Busted have a combined age of over 80, U2 have a combined age of about 130 and if you add the ages up of residents in my street it works out at 2583. We get it…they’re old, anyone can SEE that! They’re old guys, they don’t try to conceal it. Mick Jagger doesn’t sneak into his local town hall and tippex out his birth year. Charlie Watts proudly shows off his bus pass. They don’t get insulted when you call them old…they just wave their millions in your face! I sometimes think the journalist really wants to yell “MY GOD! THEY’RE OLD EVERYONE! ONLY I CAN SEE IT! ONLY ME! YOU’VE GOT TO BELIVE ME, THEY’RE OLD! STOP LISTENING TO THEM! THEY’LL MAKE YOU OLD TOO!”

And at the end of the report on them, the male newsreader will mumble “good luck to them”. The Rolling Stones may be many things to many people; old, successful. noisy, legends, embarrassing, a testament to talent and endurance but one thing they no longer need is luck. They’re beyond luck. Keith Richards just needs to think something and 100 flunkies will supply whatever it is he needs. They think nothing of playing in front of 30,000 people; it’s like having breakfast to them. Luck? They crap on it!

Finally, the female newsreader will then blurt out “my dad likes them!” Thank you for that bit of information. She’s obviously trying to distance herself from the oldies that may like the Rolling Stones. “No! I’m not a fan of them myself…I like McBusted, 50 Pence Piece, Gwen Stefonna and, oh, whoever is in the top 40 right now! Why is my palm crystal glowing red! I still have two more years! No! Don’t take me to Carousel!”